Your Forever Crush

You know, I've had a crush on you for a very long time. Years. A decade, maybe? Honestly, it was nearly instantaneous. Physically… well, I spend much of my energy here talking about the physicality. But I also sensed the possibility of a bond, almost right away. A kindred spirit.

Not gonna sugar coat it… a fellow dork.

Oh, you hide it well. Better than I do. But I started suspecting within months. Gradually getting to know you better has only made my confidence in that assessment all the stronger.

And I love it.

So yeah. A decade of crushing on you. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't always this all consuming fire which burns through me now. We'd see each other, your smile would melt my heart a bit, but then I'd go back to my normal life and… not forget, exactly. But. I could keep it in a little box on the shelf.

All that has changed now, though. I couldn't explain why, so don't bother asking. Just… it's like there was some threshold, and once the crush tiptoed over that line… an avalanche.

I fought it, for a while. Figured it was a one-way street, for starts. Neither of us are available, which maybe ought to be the end of it.

Couldn't pinpoint when, but at some point along the way, I gave in. I realized… I just love you. That's really the whole story, in four words.

So much has changed since then. The realization that the street almost certainly goes both ways, for starts.

We're neither one of us available still, though.

I've come close. Keep edging closer. I hate you having to see us walk together, but if you were privy to those conversations… honestly don't know if you would be excited or scared. Or indifferent.

I want to talk to you. Openly. About all of this. We get to talk together, just the two of us, so very rarely. The last time… gosh. Still rates as the best weekend in my entire life. But, aside from a lame attempt at flirting from my part (sorry! I'm rusty! And wasn't even very good at it twenty years ago…) and a potential twin flames reference from yours… nothing was ever actually said.

I don't think I want to wait for chance to bring us another opportunity. We need to make opportunities. Somehow. How?

How do I get to talk to you again?